Feeling better

So today has been a pretty cruisy day i love it when everything just falls into place its perfect.... Well thats how my day has been with the kids...
Im just about to start cooking dinner and getting the kiddies ready for possibly some play outside if the weather holds out.
Everything is becoming alot less complicated today and is going pretty well. I have figured out a savings plan so i can afford to go to mallacoota for christmas and to take some time off work for it... I actually booked accomodation today for the place i wanna stay and it looks as though its all coming along quite well...

I am so tired i cant wait for monday jake has the day off work so we are going to go for a nice drive down the coast somewhere or maybe even up.... He hasnt done the touristy thing yet in wollongong so i need to show him around...

I am really enjoying my time i spend with him and we will just have to see where things go...
But i think things are going to go quite well with jake...

Last night i had a good cry and probably could have done alot more.... I havnt cried in a long time it was a relief to know i havnt shut myslef down totally from being hurt....
but i totally feel better after crying....

Anyway the day has gone good and i better be off to make dinner...

Love Amy

Things are looking up for Amy

Yay things are looking up for amy...
Joel has finally started to move on he is still making things dfficult for me just a little but things are getting better, i think he is finally getting the point that i dont want to be with him anymore...

I am a little dissapointed that i have lost friends through this, but i suppose its better to find out now then later.. In times likes these it really shows who is really there for you.. So sad i had to lose a friend i have known for 8 years...

Anyway looking ahead and to the future and am loving it.. turning 20 could possibly be my milestone into real adulthood.. Cause i have been through so much already and i have only been 20 for 1 month.... All i can say is bring it on.. Cause i believe that all of this crap i am going through will make me stronger when i up against much larger circumstances then this..

I am feeling good about myself... Im on a high just hopeing nothing will bring me down...

Love from
Amy

Today is A new Day

Today is a new day and as i wrote yesterday wishing that this cold weather would move on, i got my wish and it has yay!!!
The sun is shining and the day looks absolutley beautiful...
The pool looks so inviting yet i am thinking that with the cold weather we have recently had looks can be decieving as the water temprature is probably very cold...

So school holidays with the kids has been interesting still a week to go but they have been great behaving very well most of the time...
Today we are going to do some art and craft......
So hopefully that should keep the entertainment for a while....
I have been trying to get these boys away from the xbox and playstation and tv they are totally addiicted...
So i have also introduced some board games which keep them very entertained for quite some time aslong as the fighting doesnt start... LOL.

I cant believe how much the girls are growing up i took the oldest girl shopping yesterday for her first bra i couldnt believe it i felt kind of honoured to have been there for her... She didnt think it was a very big deal but i did.. lol
It also made me really sad though at the same time knowing that her teenage years are going to be so hard without her mum already the big things are coming up like highschool starting next year.. And all the girly stuff that comes with it...Hopefully i shall be of some service to her as she is going through this most difficult time......
I am loving my job and the way it is..... It makes me very happy.....
Love Amy

Hello

So today has been an interesting day... Things have been going so wrong and so good... I am so confused about everything today and i am not feeling the best.

So i am now very happy moving on with my life and the way it is going.
I am enjoying looking to the future and knowing that there are better things out there for me.

So i better go i am so tired and need some sleep for work tmoz...
Work is good and i cant wait for summer this cold weather is really quite crap.
Plus i am really ready to hurry up and use the fantastic looking pool that is sitting in the back yard....

I am now enjoying life for everyday and not for the days that have already gone...
I shall have no regrets..

Love Amy

Who KNows

I cant believe how tired i am , all my energy is totally gone...
Children do not care what u think or are going through... They will play up when they like and about whatever reason they choose.... (these children know who they are)

Anyway i am so over everything at the moment and am stressing really bad i am always out of energy and im panicking all the time i dont get it...
I think i may just have to go to the doctors...

Joel is really stressing me out threatening to take my stuff... He is becoming a very angry person because i wont get back with him...
Its scaring me alot...
Im not copeing very well... And now everytime the kids do something wrong i am taking twice as hard and it isnt fair on them... I feel horrible

Stress is killing me at the moment.... I dont know how much i can take of the playing games and calling names i feel as though i am in high school all over again.

It doesnt help i have friends talking about me behind my back and telling joel everything move i make or everything i do and then he uses things against me i cant take it anymore i need him to leave me alone... Its so hard because somewhere in me i still care for him deeply but everything he did to me was wrong and i cant be with someone who could possibly do that to another person especially someone they were supposed to love....

Im still hurting....
I keep praying that each day will get easier for me to handle... But with all reality its getting harder

New LIfe

So when two people split up so much hurt and confusion is flown into the air and you never know when it is truly going to settle properly. Life is whirlwind we get swept into and sometimes we have no idea of when excatly our feet are going to touch the ground...

Life is a constant confliction of what is right and what is wrong.. you never know really when you are going to make choices will regret because it could be a long time before u realise that it was the biggest mistake you have made...

But as some people say... "Never regret anything that made you smile"
I just regret not ending things when i stopped smiling..
When you stop smiling and you start frowning at everything and you know that you are not your true self that is when you know that something in your life is going wrong.. I know things can be hard at times but when things never change and you have to start changing things about yourself for another person something is horribly wrong...

People should love you for who you are... And if they truly love you they will never try to change you and make you something your not..

Great

SO everything at the moment is going really well. Joel has moved into his new house and it looks great i am so excited for him except for the fact that he has to live there on his own is a bit daunting but anyway he needs the training lol.
So i am at work at the moment and a new girl has moved in she is 21 and she is really funny and has the same sort of personality i do we get along really well its good to have a friend and someone i can talk to in the house i am living in it can get all a bit overwelming at times.
The kids have a school disco on tomorrow night it should be good, the girls are all excited to have someone helping them out to get ready lol.
Anyway better go so much to do and so little time lol.

Bye bye

I am feeling Amused

I dont know what is up with the name of this blog i just have no other way to describe how i am feeling. Meand joel have been fighting heaps about this new job and how much time it takes away from us. Hopefully we will get over this very minor but huge thing.
I am enjoying this job so much, the kids are lovely and absolutely georgous i am beginning to get really attached. Me and the girls have great nights together and the boys are just real jokers and crack me up.

This is by far the best job i have had.

Ill write back later.

Amy xx

I JUST DONT KNOW

so this is a very random blog, just thought i would write seeing as i havnt done this for a while lol. But anyway i would just let u know that work is great and i am enjoying it heaps and that this flu i have is getting alot better then it first was.
I am ffinding it really hard though to keep my social life in check. I am orking weekends and all of this is getting really hard, my friends arnt inviting me to go away because they know i will be working and even though it hurts and i would like and invitation anyway they still dont ask.
Anyway me and joel are getting better. and the house is nearly finished and ready to move into. Even though i wont be moving in there even though i could its just easier to live where i work.

But anyway its so cold here at the moment and i am freezing. LOL.

Better go.

Love amy

Early Morning

So i have nw officially completed my first week and what a week it was.
It was wonderful the children are great to look after and hey are no problem at all.
The only problem i have at the moment is the flu!!!!! AHhhhhHHHHHHH
So i have dosed myself up on cold and flu tablets and multi-vitamins lol
The good ones garlic horseradish and vitamin c. YAY

But hopefully it doesnt get much worse as it already is- i have a really sore throat runny nose headaches hot and cold temps and everything disgusting lol.

But thats what u get when u work around kids. Oh well now hopefully this will build my immune system up HAHA.

Anyway the weekend was good movie nights with the kids and singstar was awesome.
Got my hair cut yesterday it looks so good and i got it lightened looks like me. LOL why wouldnt it!!!

Anyway better go i have to wake the kids up for school.

Bye bye

Amy xx

PS please see if other ppl would like to join my blog

First few days

So the first few days have been really good!!!

The kids are great and not too much to handle lol.
Actually the two girls are reading this at the moment lol.

they like me so thats a good start. And surprisingly its not so hard as i thought it was going to be,
And it feels nothing like a job lol.

Anyway write again tomorrow.

Amy xx

New Job

OMG OMG OMG

So i am now at the new house with my new job.
Its a tad bit scary lol.
Im so nervous tommoroow is my first day.
The kids are great and seems like they will be aqlot of fun.

And i think that me and joel need the space at the moment and its the best for us a the moment.

Anyway ill write again later and continue this fantastic blog.

Amy xx

New Beginning

So new beginning

New Beginning

Sometimes when life feels like you cant go on, you just have to. Because life doesnt stop just because your giving up.
People in life still care about you and sometimes even when you think you have nothing left, patience is the key, self pitty isnt going to get rid of the hurt you are feeling and neither is a negative attitude. None of it helps, its just something to dwell on instead of looking to the future for a positive outcome you consantly look at the past and think of the negative.
NEVER DWELL ON THE PAST
So many people make that mistake.
You can be made the victim by the ones that have hurt you only if you let them.
No point on looking back and the past and wanting it back because it cant. its unrealistic and very impossible.

Look to the future with good thoughts and only good thoughts.
never do anything stupid or demeaning because it never ever has the effect you want it to, its always bad.

Talk to friends and Family and who ever you can let it off your chest and move on!!!
There is always someone else out there for you

love Amy xx

They Just dont get it

When something means alot to you, it means nothing to them but when something means everything to them they expect you to understand and feel the same way about it aswell.

Well im sick of it.
You never get anything i say and when it comes to comfort you are the worst friend i could ever imagine to be there for me.
You suck!!!!!!

This one thing means so much to me and i would really enjoy and be comforted by your support for me. But no as i have always said everthing comes infront of amy she is the last priority and she always will be. And you know maybe its just time to finish your stupid game and get it over and done with.
GAME OVER

This is the biggest thing i have ever wanted and ever asked of you, everything else i have put aside for you and you still cant respect my decisions and what i want in life.
I never thought i would say this but im actually starting to hate you and that is something i never wanted.


(not based on lauren)

Not So Perfect

In my beginning everything was black a big dark empty hole with nothing to fill it.
I had a loving family and everything i thought my world could be, but as a child everything is what you want it to be, you never understand the real meaning of things and why they are happening.
You think and see everything as a world, your world and there is nothing that can break it.
But then as you get older you see things in a different light, everything becomes clearer and your understanding of the world becomes sometimes just a little more than you can handle. You learn to take everything as it comes.
And when is just too overwhelming you beleive that the ones who around you the adults, mums and dads, granparents and family can protect you from the big bad wolf that is just creeping around the corner and waiting to introduce you to the world of imperfection that awaits.
One thing i had to learn early was there is so much bad in this world and as a child you think you are immune to it, but we arnt we are only very blind as to what is really happening.The adults and ones we look up to literally, are keeping our eyes nice and closed as to what is really happening on the outside.

And as you grow up and understand more and more your world comes crashing down bit by bit.

To be continued.................

SORRY

SO this is my first blog in a long time. Havnt had really anything that stood out but now that i think about it more i seriuosly think i have so much to tell i really dont know where to start!!!

Someone once told me that saying sorry meant you will never do it again, and that is what i havnt taken it to mean and everytime i say it i really wont do it again, that saying stuck with me and everytime someone said SORRY to me i would tell them what it meant and if they ever did the same thing again that was it, NO more.

But you know some people find it as a way out of things, an excuse, a meaning less word that gets them out of trouble.

And i could say that probably 80% of the time the person saying it doesnt mean it.
Which is really disapointing, especially when it comes from someone you really want to except it from and think they will never do those things again. But you know what when someone does something wrong unless they get punishment for the crime they have committed against you they will do it again.

When you get hurt once, they are the fool, get hurt twice just hope and pray to god they wont do it again, but when its the third time and nothing is going to change your the idiot who is sucked in to the web of a great liar and suck ass.

Sometimes no matter how much you love someone or how much you need them you just have to let them go. No matter how many times they say sorry or beg for your forgiveness a person has one chance to change and if they dont they never will.

So many of us get caught in a trap, you love someone so much all you want to believ is that they will change, but when the evidence says otherwise there is just a time you let go and forget them.

So what does sorry mean to you???

Im sick and tired of hearing that word. It used to mean moral and value to me and now it means nothing. You hear a word over and over again and it just starts to become a habit.
When it comes to using the brain and the heart together, do not always trust your heart your brain is what will keep you safe!!!

L.O.V.E

Love

Quote "loving someone is your own feeling, but showing love in only a way you can express it to the other person is what really matters"

love is so much more than saying it all the time and making sure the point gets across and heard, its showing love in only a way you can truly mean it and truly show it and be passionate about it towards the other person.
Its not in the things you say, its in the things you do.
Actions speak louder than words!!!

Love to me is so much more than having the feelings. You need the person to respond to you physically and emotionally, i think without this there is just no relationship.
The connection or spark relys on these forms of communication to stay alive and well in a relationship otherwise there is nothing.

I find people only ever show one side, and for men alot of this is physical and for women emotional, but women also arnt afraid to show physical either. Where as men they think they get called too sensitive or gay if they show emotion. Its not wrong to show it (in small doses), but even just showing it once in a while atleast lets the women know it is there in the first place and you are not completely emotionless.

Anyway this is my take on love and emotions
chioa bella

Happiness

Happiness
is so very hard to find and when you do have, you always ask yourself the question of how long it is going to last?
Well dont we all wish we had the answer to what seems such a simple question
What i really want to know is where to find happiness and what is it supposed to mean to your self?

I find happiness is something that can come from many different things friends, love, religion, career, family, travel, life experience, living and just life in general.
But why does it always seem as though when you have all these things lined up and you think that everything is great all your ducks are in a row. That one of these things falls down, the walls around you break and all of a sudden the all perfect life you had just becomes very depressing.

Nothing seems to make you happy anymore you had it and if your just going to lose it again whats the point in fighting to get it back. This is the state of mind i am in at the moment, my whole life has broken down, i have fought all of my life and now i just dont think i have any more fight left in me. Everything fell apart and i lost all motivation to keep going, i have no energy.

So i want my fight back!
All i want is to be happy and the only thing i am really happy with at the moment is my love life, yet that is on the verge of being ruined and the other thing is with my friends. One in particular you know who you are- You keep me sane!!!!

Chaio bella

Compassion

So this is yet another entry, the second for today actually lol

Compassion
It is so hard to find these days, no body likes to show it and to find it in other people around you is just too difficult. You would think the people around you would understand the point of view you are coming from and understand the situation you are in. But to my amazement they dont. Its like they need to know your whole life story and exactly why you are like the way you are. Everything in life has just become too complicated.

The worst for empathy and compassion is men(my opinion) they (more like he) just dont get it, at all, is it really so difficult to just say yeah i know what your going through and give them a hug and be comforting, well obviously yes it is! Thats why im seriously thinking about becoming a lesbian(jokes) because a woman actually knows exactly what you are going through, like with periods and boy troubles and the way that men act ablivious to there own mistakes. Its really starting to get on my nerves.
But i suppose this is the whole lesson of growing up, im only 19 so i guess i have to put up with this crap for so much longer it just isnt funny!!!!
I think i seriously am going to start praying to god for my boyfriend to be electrocuted and turn out like mel gibson out of what woman want because then and only then will my boyfriend truly understand my feelings and what it is like to go through them.
Chioa